Verses and Limericks collected by Bennett Cerf, Godfrey Dewey and Faith Daltry,

and published in Spelling Progress Bulletins.

[Spelling Progress Bulletin December 1961 pdf p15]

Werse Verse, by Bennett Cerf.

The wind was rough
And cold and blough.
She kept her hands within her mough.
It chilled her through,
Her nose turned blough,
And still the squal the faster flough -
And yet, although
There was no snough,
The weather was a cruel fough.
It made her cough,
Please do not scough,
She coughed until her hat blough ough.

Reprinted by permission of the author and the Reader's Digest.

-o0o-

From "Out on a Limerick", by Bennett Cerf, (Harper & Bros. 1960)

A collection of over 300 of the World's Best Printable Limericks - assembled, revised, dry-cleaned, and annotated by Bennet Cerf. Reprinted with his genial permission.

[Spelling Progress Bulletin March 1962 pdf p22]

A jolly old Southern colonel
Has a humorous sense most infolonel.
He amuses his folks

By laughing at jolks

That appear in the Ladies Home Jolonel.

There's a young man who lives in Belsize,
Who believes he is clever and wise.
Why, what do you think,

He saves gallons of ink,

By merely not dotting his "i's".
The fabulous Wizard of Oz
Retired from business becoz
What with up-to-date science

To most of his clients

He wasn't the wiz that he woz.

There was once a man not unique
In fancying himself quite a shique.
But the girls didn't fall

For this fellow at all,

For he only made thirty a wique.

Langford Reed.

-o0o-

[Spelling Reform Anthology §17.7 p236]
[Spelling Progress Bulletin June 1963 pdf p19]


A fellow they call Aloysius
Of his wife and a gent grew suspysius
And as quick as a wink

Found the two by the sink

But they only were doing the dysies.

A gent with a drooping mustache
Chewed some hair out while eating his hache
The phrases profane

He shrieked in his pain

We shall represent here with a dache.
There was a young girl in the choir
Whose voice went up hoir and hoir,
Till one Sunday night

It vanished from sight

And turned up next day in the spoir.

A handsome young gent down in Fla.
Collapsed in hospital ca.
A young nurse from Me.

Sought to banish his pe.

And shot him. Now what could be ha.?

From "Out on a Limerick"

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin December 1963 pdf p23]

My stenographer's notable glamour
Couldn't quite compensate for her gramour
She got me so ired

That I told her, "You're fired!"

Now I wish she were back again, damour!
A Mr. De Lyssa of Leigh
Started kissing his girl by the seigh.
"This can't be good kissing,"

Said the girl, "I hear hissing."

Said De Lyssa, still kissing, "That's meigh."

From "Out on a Limerick"

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Summer 1971 pdf p14]

A jolly old Southern Colonel
Has a humorous sense most infolonel.
He amuses his folks

By laughing at jolks

That appear in the Ladies' Home jolonel.
There was a young lady of Crete,
Who was so exceedingly nete,
When she got out of bed

She stood on her hed

To make sure of not soiling her fete.

From "Out on a Limerick"

-o0o-

Spelling poems from Rimes without reason,

'by one who has been stung by the spelling bee',
some of the 4 dozen jingles collected by Godfrey Dewey
and published by Spelling Reform Association.


[Spelling Progress Bulletin June 1961 pdf p6]
['The go-gebtor' was also in SPB Winter 1973 pdf p18.]

The go-gebtor
A merchant addressing a debtor
Remarked in the course of his lebtor
That he chose to suppose

A man knose what he ose;

And the sooner he pays it the bebtor.
Notice to she-ers
Be sure when you're coasting on skis
To avoid running into the tris,
For it never is wise

To scratch out your ise

Or to let your poor nose or tose fris.

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin March 1962 pdf p7]
['Without guaisle' was also in SPB Winter 1976 pdf p5.]


Without guaisle
Whenever she looks down the aisle
She gives me a beautiful smaisle;
And of all of her beaux

I am certain she sheaux

She likes me the best of the paisle.
Hope she didn't have a pesne
A gallant young man of Duquesne
Went home with a girl in the ruesne.
She said with a sigh,

"I wonder when Igh

Shall see such a rain-beau aguesne".

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Winter 1964 pdf p5]

Breaking it ough
There once was a man who for hiccough
Tried all of the cures he could piccough,
And the best without doubt,

As at last he found oubt,

Is warm water and salt in a ticough.
He never eard
A wise old owl lived in an oak;
The more he saw the less he spoak,
The less he spoak the more he heard.
Why can't we be like that old beard.

He was?
A spelling reformer indicted
For fudge was before the court cicted.
The Judge said: "Enough

His candle we'll snough

And his sepulchre shall not be whicted."

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Summer 1966 pdf p15
Also in SPB Fall 1966 pdf p20 and SPB Winter 1968 p4]


What a commocean
A young lady crossing the ocean
Grew ill from the ship's dizzy mocean.
She said with a sigh,

And a tear in her eigh,

'To life I have no more devocean.'

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Fall 1969 pdf p17]
[also in SPB Spring 1978 pdf p2]

Pure Disdeign
A king who began on his reign
Exclaimed with a feeling of peign,
"Tho I'm legally heir,

No one here seems to ceir

That I haven't been born with a breign."

From Rimes without reason
[Spelling Progress Bulletin Summer 1977 pdf p8.]

She meted a pareted of her feelings
A lady who deftly crocheted
A terrible temper displeted,
On finding, when through,

That a dropped stich or twough

Had ruined the garment she'd meted.

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Summer 1973 pdf p10.]

Said the horse, as he neighed a loud neigh,
To the hound as he beighed a loud beigh,
I don't like my oats,

No one likes your high noats,

So why shouldn't we both go aweigh.'
So they did, the same deigh.

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Fall 1981 pdf p15.]

It might take a bullett or tu
When reformers have nothing to du
They might take a shot at the Gnu.
To nock off the G,

Would fill them with glee

And wouldn't embarass the Nu.
A wise old owl lived in an oak;
The more he saw, the less he spoak.
The less he spoak,

The more he heard;

Why can't we be like that old beard?

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Reform Anthology §15.2 p214, but not in Spelling Progress Bulletin]

o-u-g-h A farmhand who set out to plough,
Once harnessed an ox with a cough;
But the farmer came out,

With a furious shout,

And told him he didn't know hough.
In a manner exceedingly rough
He proceeded to bluster and blough;
He scolded and scowled,

He raved and he howled,

And declared he'd have none of such stough.

At length with a growl and a cough,
He dragged the poor boy to the trough,
And plunging him in

Clear up to his chin,

Discharged him and ordered him ough.

From Rimes without reason

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin December 1961 pdf p3]

I Say There Old Chappy! sent in by Faith M. Daltry
A gentleman named John Fitz-john
Was a kindly and affable don
Till his pampered young son

Ran up bills one by one

And the don ordered him to be gone.

A dutiful mother was loath
To cripple her son in his growth,
When he wouldn't take broth

And poured it out on the cloth.

Should she spank him or starve him or both?
A sexton was told by a fool
If he'd carefully follow the rule
That the bell he should toll

For each new-released soul

He'd protect its dead corpse from a ghoul.

A young man in the medical corps
As he bore his bride in at the door,
Explained he was poor,

But he felt very sure

That he soon would be earning much more.

Editor's note: Did you ever notice how the spelling sometimes interferes with the rhyming pronunciation?

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin June 1962 pdf p19]

How odd is the spelling of iron!
For a better recording I yearn.
I might mention that Byron

Rhymes well with environ,

But I give up and say, "Let's adjourn".

Faith M. Daltry.

-o0o-

[Spelling Progress Bulletin Summer 1969 pdf p16]

Breaking it ought
There once was a man who for hiccough
Tried all of the cures he could piccough,
And the best without doubt,

As at last he found ouht,

Is warm water and salt in a ticcough.
[Spelling Progress Bulletin Spring 1978 pdf p9.]

An inextricable nebt
A man who was deeply in debt
Said, 'No matter whatever I gebt,
My creditors claims

A share of the saim,

Which makes me discouraged, you bebt.'


Back to the top.